Confusion!?

         Hello once again, all. Going to try to post more frequently from now on. I feel that I have a lot to say, and hope you are interested in reading it.

        In my previous post, I mentioned that I had started seeing someone. Man, did I forget how complicated relationships are. Everything is going pretty well, but there are many variables to consider. So many people are jealous that we are together. Even a good friend of mine (or so I thought) is talking trash behind my back. It would behoove you to know the full story before you go running your mouth. Instead, he took the word of someone else. Someone who has shown to be untrustworthy on numerous occasions. I have never lied to him in all the years I’ve known him. Why not ask me my side of the story before running your mouth to my girlfriend? Trying to get into her pants? I think so. Good luck with that buddy, LOL.

         My parents raised me to be a good person. Not to lie, cheat, steal…… all of the above. He should know this, as we went to the same church when we were younger. His father and mine were good friends as well. Why would he do this? Hence the title of this post. I AM CONFUSED!!!!!!

         I really like her, and she says she feels the same. Most of the people exhibiting the jealousy I mentioned previously, are friends of ours. For real guys? It doesn’t anger me as much as it upsets me. It hurts my feelings something terrible. And, it causes me to have doubts about her and I. Is she going to believe the lies that everyone is spreading? Is she going to leave me because of it?

         Its very hard to tell how a relationship will go when it is so early in its infancy. Hopefully we have strong enough feelings for eachother, and a steadfast will to make this work. I know I do.

        To me, what really matters in life is happiness. You don’t have to be rich and handsome to be happy. Surround yourself with people you love, and happiness will be close behind. But, the most important realization that I have come to, is you have to be happy with yourself. First and foremost!!! I can not stress that enough.

        I am only 33 years old, and do not claim to hold the secrets of the universe. I just have a lot to get off of my chest. And, I am hoping, that my words will help someone. Maybe see my thoughts or mistakes and learn from them. It is much less painful to learn from someone else’s mistakes rather than make your own, and then learn from them.

        Well, I seem to be all tapped out for today. Good luck to everyone in your endeavours. Hope life is good to you, and love be sweet. Take care all. Until next
time.

Curveballs!!!!

I know its been a while since my last post, but its for good reason I assure you. Chaos seems to be more the norm, and curveballs more a constant.

       A little more than a week ago, I lost a good friend of mine. And what’s more, he was the father of an estranged friend. We had been on the outs for a while, but his father and I still talked on a fairly regular basis. The day before he passed, he called me.

          “Hey, where’d you get your truck?” he asked.

           “From a small car lot near my house” I replied.

             He wanted to put a 350 in it and make a race truck. We talked for 30mins or so, he said to give him a call when I was on his side of town, and to come by and see him sometime.

             The next day I got the call. Woke up to a screeching phone, which had bad news on the other end. Of course, tears were soon to follow. And that, followed by a rush of memories.

             On a lighter note, his son and I have talked. I can’t say we are friends again, but I’m there for him in his time of need. I would be a bad person if I wasn’t.

          But alas, more complications arise!!!! We both fell for the same girl. His son and I are patching our broken friendship, and then bam!!

         I did end up with the girl, but I didnt have the heart to tell him that . Neither one of us want to hurt his feelings, but she doesn’t want to lead him on either. So, we have both resorted to ignoring the situation. Yeah, I know. Not the best way to deal with it. Its just until we figure out how to tell him.

              Her, on the other hand. She gives me the warm-tinglies all over. You know when your with someone, and they give you that warm rush in your chest, and it feels like Heaven, Paradise, Utopia, Valhalla? All rolled into one! And you get that high that no drug can give you? Yeah, its kinda like that.

            Infatuation? Maybe. It is mistaken for true feelings all the time, but I feel good about this one. I feel sorry for my friend, but happy for myself. Conflicted but clear at the same time. A very confusing state to be in.

             In all this, one thing remains clear. I know I have feelings for her, so I’m shooting for the bullseye. I’ve been quite lonely for some time, and it feels good to know that someone just plain cares. Not because they have to, not because their family. They just do. They enjoy your company, and see something in you that others do not.

           Even making love feels different. You feel it in your mind, heart, and soul. If you have to ask yourself if you have ever felt it, then you haven’t. It is something that you feel through and through. Like a fire within you, to which she is the kindling. I have been lucky enough to feel it twice, and am thankful everyday for it.

            Of course. When something like that ends, both are forever changed by it. That fire will always burn. No matter the distance, the span of time, or the depth of space. Its there, burning in the recesses of your very being. Just waiting for a smell or memory to stoke it; to be a fire again instead of a single flame.

      Ive got it in my grasp once again, and do not intend to let it go. She has said things that make me think she feels the same way. I can only hope for the best. Time and effort on both parts will be required ( as there are some aspects I haven’t covered,) and I may have to get into a fight or two. A jealous ex is sure to make multiple appearances, and there are others that desire her as well.

             With her assurance that I am the only one who has captured her attention, I must move forward with an open heart. What will be, will be. If it doesnt last, I hope we both enjoy every minute of it, and squeeze all the joy we can from it. Only time will tell.

We all loved you EW, may you rest in peace my friend.

Short and sweet.

        Well. I’ve had a few days to relax and unwind. Time to get back to it!!! Got to have money coming in if your going to be spending it. Any ideas on self-employment? If so, leave a comment. Any idea helps.

         

          They say that even the longest journey begins with a single step. A profound yet simple anecdote that can be applied in all facets of our lives. I’m taking the first steps right now in my own journey, I’m going to do it right this time.

New found freedom!!!?

         So. Might as well get right into it. I quit my job yesterday. Holy Schnikeys Batman!!! I know my brother will say, “What the hell did you do that for!” But, that is expected with him.

        I explained some of the goings on at my job in my first blog. So, those who have read it will understand the situation.

            I had not mentioned that I was sick last week, (didn’t see the need to complain about it) but it gave me a lot of time to think about my current situation. I decided that I was going do something about it. I figured that tax time was as good of a time as any, since I would have a little extra money.

           I called work yesterday morning and told my boss that I would be quitting. I should have given a notice, I admit it. If I had taken that route the next week or two of my life would have been a living hell. The manager is just that kind of guy. So, I told him I would bring the uniforms I had at home and pick up my paycheck later on that day.

         Everything went pretty well once I got there. Said goodbye to the guys. And, after he made me wait a little while, grabbed my paycheck and got out of there. Spent the rest of the day hanging out with my dad.

        We spent four or five hours just talking on the porch. Think we covered every topic in the Encyclopedia Brittanica. God, war, politics, greed, everything in the book. I felt much better afterwords, considering the previous stresses of the day.

         
        I had decided to go to a friend of mines after my dad left, and there I have been since yesterday evening. Some video games and friends proved to be just the right thing to end the night with.

         Now, it is the day after and I’m pretty sure I made the right decision. My level of stress is way down. Hope to find new work soon (maybe be self-employed) as I have a car payment and other bills to pay. Take care all, and wish me luck in my new journey.

Think you know about cannabis?

I just got finished watching this documentary on cannabis and just had to post a link. Its amazing to me the lengths that people will go to, depriving the people of this world in the name of the Almighty Dollar. I could go on and on, but I’ll let the documentary do the talking. Please be open-minded and watch the whole thing. You will be surprised.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/E96vow07OJc

Good morning world!!!

Post #2. I’m seeing a trend here,LOL. I was going to continue yesterdays post, but I ended on a good note. Don’t really want to follow up with a bunch of complaining. There will be plenty of that to come, hehe.

      I was laying in bed last night watching a DVD. Pink Floyd: Pulse, to be exact. Then I began to wonder to myself, what has happened to music today? None of it has any real substance. I would never let my child listen to any of this junk on the radio.

      Atleast artist used to mask sexual references. “Afternoon Delight” immediately springs to mind. Do we really want our children listening to Nikki Minaj or Lil Wayne? No!!!!! Minaj, seriously? Might as well be Nikki Threesome.  
        I have a very strong love for music, and therefore, a very strong distaste for bad music. I’m only 32 (33 in 8 days,whoo) but I sure miss the good ole days.

First rant!!!!! Look out, lol.

Since this is my first blog post I may have a lot to say so bear with me please. Many recent events in my life have brought me to this point. Dissatisfaction with my job, the passing of my grandmother, the dissolving of some relationships, and general unhappiness. Lets start with my job.
I currently change oil at a popular mechanic shop. There are many perks available to employees, all of which my boss gets. Not only does he get his regular pay and bonuses, he gets all of the perks that are available to us. He will not allow us to perform the services to get the perks. I live in the south, where a lot of folks recycle scrap metal. You guesses it, all parts
and metal that come out of the shop(unless the customer wants to keep the old part), he gets that too!!!! Just counting our regular pay ( no perks included ) he makes over twice what the rest of us make. In the words of Dr. Evil, “Throw me a freaking bone here”. I could go on about that forever, so I’ll just stop myself right there.

My grandmother was an integral part of my family. Kind of the “glue” that held us all together. I’m not saying that we are falling apart, but now that the glue is gone I feel like we are using string. She was the one who never, ever judged you. You could always see love in her eyes and feel it pouring from her heart. The kindest, sweetest lady you had ever met. And lets not forget about food. She made sure everyone had their fill. When it was all said and done, you were full as a tick and happy as a lark. That kindness (with a little pinch of sass) I have not seen since, nor do I expect to ever see again.

I think this is a good stopping point for right now. Maybe my last paragraph made you think of your grandmother, and I’d like to leave you with those happy thoughts. I figure its better than ending my first post on a negative note. Remember the ones you loved with fondness, and don’t forget to tell the ones that are still here that you love them.